her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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