I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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