How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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