Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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