I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
