i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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