Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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