She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
