OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
