You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
