the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
