hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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