I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
