I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
