Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
