I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
