T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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