I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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