It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
