you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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