I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
