Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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