just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize