I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
