I love black thongs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
