If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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