Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this will be a night to untag.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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