I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
