god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
