he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize