No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
