we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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