got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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