I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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