made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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