So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
