Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
