We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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