By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
