you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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