Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
