At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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