I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
