And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
