Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
