have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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