Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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