At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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