I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
