I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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