So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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