i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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