I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
