I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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