she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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