I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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