After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize