I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
