If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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