everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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